Kamela Dolnova wrote an article about what marriage means in today’s world, and how it is necessary to define this for yourself.
Given that at this point in time, it feels as though my marriage is in for a redefinition, I need to take the time to work on these definitions for myself.
So, here goes.
1 – Ensuring that your partner knows how valuable they are to you. It is your responsibility to make sure you are doing everything in your power to openly love your mate. To that end, take more initiative in making him feel valued and adored, and expect the same in return.
2 – In Sickness and In Health. I was allowed to be ill and need a period of recovery. He is allowed the same, but each of us also has a responsibility to take care of ourselves while the other is healing. If he can’t survive my depression, if I can’t survive his, it is our responsibility to own that and to provide everything we can for the other while make ourselves a priority, too.
3 – Holding true to loving the person as he was, as he has become, and as he will be. Your mate will grow into a new person over time. Love him for that growth, but understand the growth may not always align with yours. Allow him to grow into who he was meant to, and love him for it.
4 – Accepting that you may not be in love with the person as he has become or as he will be. Remember, you did not promise to be in love with him. You promised to love him. Just as the waves ebb and flow, so do passions. Accept the waning passion.
5 – Difficult. Do not expect it to be flowers and candies every day. Fights have to happen to get those. 😉
6 – A shared endeavor. One person cannot make a marriage work, just as one person cannot make it fail, in my opinion. (One can certainly make decisions that are the primary catalysts, but the responses to these catalysts are what the marriage is truly dependent on.)
To be revised weekly, daily, hourly, as the need is known.